Hello
Last Sunday I went to the V&A with my friend Angelique. We were seeing each other for the first time since March. She had just finished reading Edmund de Waal's The Hare with Amber Eyes and after a short wait in the queue to enter the museum, (our masks in place, my glasses constantly fogging up), we headed straight to the Japan section to look at their Netsuke collection. These make an appearance in de Waal's book and I loved hearing about it from A. I am still thinking about the beautiful, intricate pieces in the museum collection (de Waal's Netsuke are on loan to the Jewish Museum in Vienna). When A told me that de Waal inherited about 200 of these from a family member I felt the familiar pang, one that hits me whenever I hear about coveted objects and inheritance. I'm always so jealous of people who come from a family of object keepers, of storytellers.
I admire A. We met for the first time at a BAME in Publishing event and soon after we became colleagues, though never working directly. Throughout our time together on Sunday, I felt conscious of speaking too much/taking up her time even though this is exactly how we both planned to spend our Sunday afternoon: together, catching up.
This is a feeling that never leaves me, and it's not limited to A. I feel this way about a lot of my friends, always questioning what they are getting out of me (and hoping it's something worthwhile). It's a feeling that took hold of me when I moved to England, heightened after I joined the publishing industry. I remember being relatively free of this insecurity when I was a child in Saudi Arabia and a college student in India. I wonder if some aspects of the 'go home' rhetoric gets converted to this fear of occupying space, even friendly ones.
Part of my admiration for A comes from the amazing books she publishes. I'm listing three of my recent favourites here
Asylum Road by Olivia Sudjic (Jan 2021)
There's No Such Thing as an Easy Job by Kikuko Tsumura, translated by Polly Barton (November 2020)
Inferno by Catherine Cho (March 2020)
Nothing brings me more joy than discussing books with friends. Other books we talked about while exploring China, South Asia, Jewelry and Snuff Box collections were Euphoria by Lily King, Remnants of a Separation by Aanchal Malhotra, The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros and Burnt Sugar by Avni Doshi.
This is my second attempt at a newsletter. My first one was a monthly letter, which I started around the time I was on deadline for my memoir. A lot of thought went into that one. It was a distraction from my manuscript and didn’t last long. I'm writing again, a novel this time. I'm tantalizingly close to resolving a major plot hole, so of course, I'm here. I must say, writing around my writing helps a lot. So does reading, dreaming and walking around it. I'm enjoying having time on my side, to be working with deadlines of my own making. And to get to know myself as a writer for the first time. I’ll be leading my first life writing course soon. These will be via email and include lots of tips and reading suggestions. I'll share a link with you when it's up and ready.
I'll be doing an Insta live with Reading Women on Saturday 24th October at 10am UK time. We tried doing this last weekend but our plans were thwarted by bad connection. Talking to a frozen screen, unsure of whether your words are being transmitted to anyone at all, and feeling the pressure to keep talking just in case they are and realizing your voice hitting a higher note with each passing minute is stressful. Hope to see you there!
When I shared a link to the Insta Live last week and my Twitter friends shared/retweeted it, I felt this warm fuzzy feeling of connection, of their support and their love. I’m feeling it again, when you all subscribed to this letter and expressed enthusiasm about its existence. Thank you!
I want to keep these letters casual. I thought of this newsletter at midday today, wrote a few paragraphs during lunch and am willing myself to hit publish right after I finish work. I’m prone to overthinking and obsessing and hope these letters can help me combat some of those feelings. I'll never get over the immense support friends and strangers have shown my work this past year. But if these letters are not what you had mind, please feel free to unsubscribe at any time. I won’t take it personally at all.
Some non-book recommendations:
The Trial of Chicago 7 on Netflix
Bombshell on Amazon Prime
At the Bottom of Everything substack - Amy is writing about her recent and devastating introduction to widowhood
Anoushka Shankar performs live score to film Shiraz - I had the pleasure to seeing the full performance live at Southbank
I’ve been mulling over radical empathy and want to write about it in the next letter.
Until then,
Zeba
I’m so excited that you’re doing this newsletter!!!! Love Ren
I've always loved netsuke. They are the first thing I would go to in the V&A (although it's been a long time since I've visited). Thanks for reminding me of those memories.
I hope the plot has thickened, and the words flow easily into the page (or is that an oxymoron?)