I Refuse to Condemn, some writing truths and goodbye for now
Hello,
I spent most of today in bed, listening to birds chirping outside my window, drifting in and out of sleep and reading essays from I Refuse to Condemn. I’m about halfway through the essay collection and it’s really hitting the spot for me as a Muslim woman choosing to exist in the west. I feel so lucky to live at a time when this book is published and discussed. You can still order this book for just £10.19 via the publishers. I’m struck by the sheer range of the contributors. You can read Dr. Sofia’s review here. My wish for this book is for non-Muslims and white people to read it and join the conversation.
Last week I shared my 2020 list of best reads. I’m glad I did it because until then I was under the impression that I hadn’t read much this year. A lot from the beginning of this year feels like it was a different time. I was surprised when reminded that Parasite won the Oscars this year. What a long and dreary 9 months it’s been. This weekend things got worse for those living in the UK by last minute government restrictions imposed around Christmas. While it’s the right thing to do, I would have preferred that people had more of a warning. A few months ago this government placed restrictions at midnight before Eid and while this seems better by those standards, it still doesn’t feel fair for everyone who had made plans.
My holiday plans remain unchanged from last year. I’ll be home reading and writing while my husband works through the holiday season. Last year this break from the world felt like a treat, just the thing I needed as I decompressed after months of book events and travel. Last year I also cooked exclusively from the Dishoom cookbook for the holidays but this year I’m branching out and quite looking forward to experimenting. There will be more takeaway this time as I dive back into my manuscript. I’m yet to reach the word count for today and spent a considerable amount of time asking myself if I even want to be a writer. I find this oscillating between grim passion and feigned disinterest quite exhausting but I have come to accept that this is part of my process. Reading the below from Jess Walter’s By The Book helped
It’s late morning, just after second breakfast. I take a break from six minutes of intense writing to recline in my office chair and read from Olga Tokarczuk’s “Flights,” when a great line (“There is too much world, so it’s better to concentrate on particulars, rather than the whole”) inspires me to leap up and take another shot at writing. But on the way to the desk, I see that I’ve left James McBride’s “Deacon King Kong” open on my napping couch. I plop down and read: “Three days after Hot Sausage predicted his doom, Sportcoat decided to stop in at the Watch Houses to see his buddy Rufus.” Six hours later — another day at the office is done. Fin.
And this from Grace Paley’s Art of Fiction interview
A lot of them begin with a sentence—they all begin with language. It sounds dopey to say that, but it’s true. Very often one sentence is absolutely resonant. A story can begin with someone speaking. “I was popular in certain circles,” for example; an aunt of mine said that, and it hung around in my head for a long time. Eventually I wrote a story, “Goodbye and Good Luck,” that began with that line, though it had nothing to do with my aunt. Another example: “There were two husbands disappointed by eggs,” which is the first sentence of “The Used-Boy Raisers.” I was at the house of a friend of mine, thirty-five years ago, and there were her two husbands complaining about the eggs. It was just right—so I went home and began the story, though I didn’t finish it for months. I’m almost invariably stuck after one page or one paragraph—at which point I have to begin thinking about what the story could possibly be about. I begin by writing paragraphs that don’t have an immediate relation to a plot. The sound of the story comes first.
I also feel ready to admit that after having my memoir published and receiving some great reviews plus excellent feedback, my fear of rejection has multiplied. The fear has become big enough to get in the way of actual writing. First books are hard to write. Second books seem even harder. I don’t know how I feel about this but hope that committing myself to it completely over the next couple of months will help ease the process. This article on “Not Writing” by Clare Barron is on my to read list.
I have not spent much time online this week so haven’t got more articles to recommend. I’m trying my best to keep the tone from falling into a dark abyss here so will keep this short. This isn’t the year we wanted but I hope we can still find some glimmer of hope and solace as we fight our way through this. I wish you a restful holiday season and a Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating. I pray that the new year brings with it respite, joy and contentment.
We are looking to move south of the river and experience a different part of London. The move is scheduled for late January and I don’t see myself being able to write to you again for a few weeks at least. I hope to see you in February if not earlier.
Zeba