Hollywood Park, Tall Bones, Good Girls, Devils, Lusts and Strange Desires
Hello,
I’m back! I hope February is being kind to you. I turned thirty last week. I’ve never really had a birthday party as an adult and for the past three years I’ve been planning an elaborate 30th bash with a guest list that I regularly updated during this time. In the end, I was grateful for not having to plan a party and enjoyed welcoming this milestone on my own.
I’m surprised that I still relate to my child self, that it’s a place I’m not ready to leave yet. I wonder when this will happen for me, if at all. I know this happens to people because their actions towards youngsters, especially their own children, is usually one of control and not empathy. Surely this is only possible when you yourself forget how it felt to be a child? I think so.
As a special birthday treat to myself I deactivated my Twitter and Instagram for the month. I’m relishing this extra mind space, the calmness that comes from not being bombarded with new information every few seconds as well as the space to let my true thoughts surface long enough for me to deal with them. What I’m really enjoying is newsletters, they help me stay in the loop but not be overwhelmed. A few that work for me at the moment are:
The New York Times briefing email sent out every weekday morning
Dirt: A Daily Email About Entertainment - I love its pithiness
Anne Helen Petersen on Culture Study - It’s the reason why I don’t miss Twitter. Her latest on Arnie Hammer ate hours of my life as I dived into the AH rabbit hole (so exactly like Twitter!). I also got a lot out of her recent letter on the Diminishing Returns of Productivity Culture which I highly recommend.
The Single Supplement by Nicola Slawson - I love how passionate Nicola is about changing the mainstream narrative around being single and I think for those experiencing lockdown on their own, this will be especially pertinent.
Women Who: The Roundup - The latest letter led me to this story of the worst tenant ever and I still shudder whenever I think about it. In fact, I’m going to link the entire newsletter because it’s brimming with great reads.
Though technically not a newsletter, I also want to recommend Lucy Scholes’s Re-Covered series over at The Paris Review.
If there are any newsletters you rate, do share with me!
It’s been a good few weeks on the reading front. Last weekend I finished The Good Girls: An Ordinary Killing by Sonia Faleiro. I know this is a book that will haunt me for a long time to come. It reads like a thriller but is also the most empathetic account of a case like this, in a country like India. Please note the following trigger warnings: patriarchy, rape, gender violence, caste related hate crimes, corruption and general incompetency from government agencies.
A memoir that took my breath away is Hollywood Park by Mikel Jollett. Jollett writes about a life that began in a ‘school’ (more like orphanage) within the Synanon cult and ended with him being a Stanford graduate and front man to a popular indie band even as his brother, male relatives, peers and a string of stepfathers succumbed to their addictions. There is a lot of pain in this book. I’m in awe of the emotional work Jollett put in to create this masterpiece in empathy, emotional accountability and courage. His account of growing up/living with a narcissistic parent is devastating.
A novel that I have already revisited twice since finishing it less than 10 days ago is Tall Bones by Anna Bailey. It’s a masterclass in pacing and I can’t wait for more and more readers to fall in love with Bailey’s writing. The book is out in the UK in April.
Early yesterday morning I started reading Devils, Lusts and Strange Desires: The Life of Patricia Highsmith by Richard Bradford. A lot of reviews say that this is not the best biography of the author available but as someone who hasn’t read any of them nor Highsmith’s own work, I’m totally engrossed. I had no idea she was so mean. I’m enjoying this crash course on her life, loves, desires, writing and lies.
Books I’m looking forward to reading this month include:
Self-Portrait in Green by Marie NDiaye
This Is How We Come Back Stronger edited by the Feminist Book Society
The Copenhagen Trilogy by Tove Ditlevsen. I loved Parul Sehgal’s review in the NYT which you can read here.
I also really enjoyed Sehgal’s review of Fake Accounts by Lauren Oyler. I’m fascinated by Oyler as a critic and spent a weekend reading everything I could find online by her. I attended the online LRB event where Olivia Sudjic (Asylum Road is excellent too, if you are looking for sharp fiction) interviewed Oyler and I’m looking forward to the next LRB event: Olivia Laing interviewing Katherine Angel on her brilliant essay Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again. It’s on 1st March and tickets available here.
I’m on a writing deadline (end of February). Typically I’ve used this newsletter to procrastinate from my creative writing so I’m planning for this to be my only letter to you in February. If you hear from me again this month, you know what’s up!
Best,
Zeba